October is the month in which we celebrate the importance of grandparents. However I would like to mainly talk about mothers for two precise reasons. One is that she should be educative and second is that she is the one who engraves the life of a child in good or bad. I am concerned to speak about mothers because these days I come across many mothers who, without realizing or unintentionally damage the life of a child.
I do not wish to offend in any way a mother nor do I want to preach. I simply want to point out a reality which I often experience. There are mothers who due to their incompetence, damage a child’s life without even noticing. I have never seen bad mothers but I have experienced seeing, increasing numbers of unprepared mothers. The reason for this growth, many believe, is the pedagogic instinct just like a maternity instinct. Well, there is no such thing as a pedagogic instinct.
I wish to underline this sentence which I am about to say, for its great importance. You as a mother do not educate your child just because it is your child; as a matter of fact you learn to educate your child. Many mothers think “ok, once I am a mother I will educate my child”. No, unfortunately it does not function like this. You learn to teach them and not because of your maternal instinct. Often people say “I use my maternal instinct to behave as a mother”.
It is a different thing to behave as a mother than to be a mother. To be a mother is an art that you learn and it is fundamental, because who does not learn to be a mother will damage the child due to being unprepared. So many children today are born with so many potentialities which do not get the chance to develop.
How many brains get wasted?
How many hearts are limited?
How many capabilities are eliminated?
Many children are born to grow and become great, capable and potential human beings with strong will powers but once born they do not find a person who is prepared enough to guide them to develop their resources and potentialities. A mother’s role is crucial and extremely important in a child’s life. Therefore it is indispensable that a mother knows the alphabet A, B, C of maternity. Many do not know it and I do not wish to argue with anyone but only to discuss few points about it in order to allow a different prospective. It is necessary that we sometimes do some introspection.
There are four types of mothers who do not know the art of maternity.
- An Unaffectionate mother
- A Seal mother
- A Taxi driver mother
- An Umbrella mother
The first type of mother as I mentioned would be an unaffectionate mother, who does not know how to be affectionate. Actually she is exactly the opposite of affectionate. She may be with the child but she is absent. She is either on the telephone, speaking with her friend, taking down notes, writing messages, watching TV or simply not looking at her child straight in the eyes when talking.
We can say she is cold and insensitive and does not interact. Practically she uses neither any eye contact nor any physical contact such as caressing, massaging or anything which could be related to comforting her child. She is unaware of the fact that the child is in need of balanced human contact. The second type of mother would be a seal mother. I am talking about the type of mother who without realizing treats the child just like a pet a domestic animal.
She does not think about the child’s spiritual dimensions. No matter how small the child is, we cannot concentrate only on feeding him or just worrying about what the child should or should not eat. Therefore a mother who thinks only about the health of the childin fact damages the child without considering the importance of the child’s spirit, soul and the body.
When you say to the child “go to wash your teeth” it is just as important to also advise him to watch his words and mind his language when he uses a wrong language or words. We should not limit ourselves just worrying about the child’s clothing or food but also to strongly consider the spiritual and psychological dimensions of the child. The third type of mother would be the one who acts as a Taxi driver, because she is so busy taking the child from one place to another. She wants the child to do hundred activities. She anticipates everything for the child offering every experience and all of which presented on a golden plate to him, not remembering that he needs to experience life gradually, step by step.
She wants the child to study, to do sport, to play a musical instrument, to dance, to go to singing lessons and to play with his school friends. This type of behavior does not allow the child to live his childhood in a harmonious way but forces him to grow up quickly not enjoying his life. The fourth type of mother would be the umbrella mother. This is the type of mother who, as the word itself says, protects her child in everything and in everywhere all the time.
A child needs to experience pain and difficultiesin order to grow, to recognize the value of determination in order to fight his way through in life and in achieving what he really wants. We cannot give everything a child wants and then expect him to understand the values of what we gave him. He did not struggle for them nor did he work for them, so how can he ever understand the importance of sacrifice and commitment. We ought to love but not mistake it with pleasures of life. Do not eliminate sacrifice thinking “but I had a difficult life, therefore I do not want my child to suffer too”. Providing a happy life is more than legitimate but making life too easy for a child would make his lifeinsignificant.
Of course there are those mothers who are marvelous, very balanced and prepared in being a mother and know the art of maternity. Mothers who are capable of being a mother have four main characteristics and they are;
- Being a good bride
- Being a good guide
- Being a flexible person
- Applying a Pedagogic theory
Understanding
Love
Patience
When a couple has a good relationship, get along and are allied they manage to give a positive type of education to their child. When their love for each other is obvious through hugging, kissing and can be affectionate in front of their child they become the best educators. Instead if they fight and have a troublesome type of relationship they will not be the right example for their child to look up to. They fail in being, stable and loving parents. Qualities which a child needs to see in order to eventually act as one.
There is an African saying that says “when two elephants fight, the ground beneath their feet is the thing that gets ruined most”. Just like when a couple fight, their child is the one that gets damaged most. The second characteristic is when a mother is a good guide. She opens the road to her child not doing the job for him but just allowing him to see for himself and experimenting alone. A type of a mother who is aware of the fact, that educating is not about teaching only but also about drawing a path for the child.She becomes a mature example for her child.
There is a Chilean saying that says “The cherries ripen by looking at the ones next to them”. The third characteristic of a capable mother is being flexible. She should accept and allow her child to grow up since a child is born to grow up and not to remain a baby. The sentence when we hear some parents saying “kids are lovely pity they grow up”. Well there is nothing sadder than wanting to see your child remain a child forever. A mother should not stop her child from growing and becoming mature.
The forth characteristic is actually made of three components; Love, Understanding and patience. Loving the child is so important. The child needs to be understood and helped in his needs and his difficulties. No one can substitute a mother’s love and a child sees a whole world in a mother’s eyes and her love. It is also very important to be patient with your child; he is in need of different types of attention while growing up especially in the period of adolescence. Investing on how to improve in becoming a capable mother, you automatically help improve your child’s life while growing up.
A THOUGT
Allow your child to be the subject and not the object of his life.
